fuckkked.

everything has been flipped, turned around, and fucked every which way possible. My bestest friend of 5 years or more, has just completely stopped our friendship, cold turkey. She says "we're completely two different people nowadays". and i know this is true, but when that happens your supposed to accept the other person, accept who they've become but she cant do that she just wants me to be who ive been always and i cant do that people change. Im cool with virgil again, but i dont think he cares really, hes got the perfect life nowadays and throwing me into the equation feels like something he doesnt want to do. My new best friend is amandine though, shes awesome, and having her makes it easier to forget about chelsea. The most random thing is going on though, im texting people i havent talked to in forever, im texting tewie and cole again, which is good because i used to have a gut feeling that both of them hated me. Oh and ive been texting elliot which is awesome because i missed that kid hes probably one of the few kids i can have a blast with. Hes just a huge dork like myself. Im starting to like New mexico though, its pretty legit. Im going to a show tonight with amandine with scarlet rouse and other bands, and scarlet rouse is releasing their new ep cd. I finally get to meet danny, because hes gonna be there. :D so tht should be fun. and im trying to get nathan to go, : D so haha it shud be a good night. so goodbye chelsea rosal im sure youll forget about about me but i cud never forget about you.

fuck it all. :D

Why do people think that i need them or something?
I really dont need virgil, fuck him, hes ego is way to big anyway, it bugged me constantly and i know it bugs others too, no one should have that much confidence. And plus hes like what nineteen now? and all his friends are about fifteen? so whos really the pathetic one? people only like him for his car anyways, i mean jesus h christ i dont know how he doesnt see that. I really dont fucking need ariana or david, they are juss people going nowhere in life, two potheads and one lives in a van. :D
im not gonna lie that i am pretty bummed about not hanging out with sean that much anymore, because i dont think mel wants us to hangout, and i dont want to go against that. shes his girlfriend and im going to respect that.
i did want to become good friends with tyler and dom, but i cant do that when theyre gonna be good friends with virgil. because im really through with virgil.
whitneys mom is still thinking about if i can live with them or not, i wish she woul dhurry up and make a decision, because she should just say yes already.

if liqours a lover you know im a whore.

California's been amazing. Ive been here for a whole week. And im ridiculously sad to be going back to new mexico, my life is here! fuck new mexico. me and whitney are scheming a plan for me to live with her, shes been talking to her mom about it, hers mom thinking about it but hasnt given an answer yet. boo. i feel like i need conrad half the time. but he doesnt need me, not one bit and i know that, he says relationships are freaking him out at the moment and all i want right now is to be his, geez im fucking pathetic :/ my ears are 5/8's and im loving it but of course my mom and my aunt kellie are giving me lots of shit about it, like blah blah your gonna need plastic surgery when your 20 and all this, but what they dont know is ill be rockin these ears when im fukin 30 haha. everyone who follows my blog, should i give up on conrad? should i move on? idk what to do anymore. im going to hangout with virgil and dom today and then later tonight see conrad. i wanted to see whitney today but i think shes ignoring me, i hope not though, i hope shes just at work and cant get to her phone :/

I don't like moriarty or titanic.

We're reading a story about the titanic at the moment, which im so bored about because im sure my whole fifth grade all we did was read and study that dam boat. My nose is so sore like I cn barely touch it and today I had to flip it in but my nose is swollen so it won't flip all the way in : \ if that fucking bitch on the bike tina catches me with this I swear im gonna slap a hoe. And I juss got here to MHS and already there's a rumor going around about me that I like nathan or something. I hate small towns. Im really excited though because im visiting cali in one week. And then staying in cali for a whole week im so stoked to see everyone again. And last nite was weird ariana was so pissed that I was texting david, juss because he texted me saying whasup and I replyed she led to assume that I liked him or some bullshit. Wtf puhlease. I might juss be this close to being done with her bullshit.

Another week.

so. fuck me and call me sanchez. i forgave ariana. she forgave me. i really cant stay mad at anyone for a good long period of time, like the most i could hate anyone is a week. it takes to much energy to hate someone, and i rather keep the good times going with her than just forget them and call her a bitch, when i know shes not. i know she loves me deep down, she fucks up alot, yah i know. but that doesnt make her a bad person, she just is kinda different thats all, and people cant adapt to how she is and bug out on her and i dont want to be one of those people. so please dont message me saying how shes going to hurt me or how shes a bum or something like that, becuase i really wont listen to you, because you dont decide who i love and who i dont love.

So, i finally went to a show here in alberqurque and saw Norma Jean, and Haste the Day, and My children My bride, they were all fucking dope. Haste the day was the best. && the lead singer for My children My bride is the sexiest thing ive ever seen, which is really weird because he totally resembles zack, arianas ex, and i think zack is disgusting, i dont know i cant explain that one. It was really awesome and only costs twenty bucks, my arms are still sore from trying to push my way to the front. which i did push my way to the front, and touched the lead singer of norma jean, jyeah.

I juss dyed my hair back to brunette, i got tired of the teal fast, and fuckin faggots had teal in their hair and gave the color a bad name and made me look like a dumbass for having it in my hair. plus i kinda think im cuter as a brunette anyway. so it works out for the best.

i swear to bob, every guy ive met is taken! half the reason i was stoked to come here was for a new crop of doods, and they are all taken. haha. ridiculous. but i have met two guys who live in alberqurque who are fucking cute and nice, so im content with that, no actually im pretty fuckin stoked. :P nite.

Dear Arianna.

You seriously can never call me your little sister again, you can not call me a good friend, fuck dont even think of referring to me as your friend. You should act like you never even knew me. Please, because thats what im doing to you. I never thought someone, who claimed they cared for me so much, could fuck me over twice, for a guy. I stuck with you through a lot of shit, when everyone hated you and told me to get rid of you, i never did, i stuck up for you. When you had no friends at bethel, i was there kikin it with you, when i had better things to do dam sure. When any guy hurt you or broke your heart, i was right there to help you through it, to call them a dick and help you get over it. When you had no where to go, i let you live at my house. When you had no shoes i let you keep a pair. You are so selfish, you only care about your self, and its a fucking lie when you say i love you jessie, its a fucking lie. Your seriously going to abandon our plans and our friendship over david, fucking david slaughter, what has he done for you? i hope hes fucking amazing, hes gotta be for you to be this fucked up. and when he breaks your heart, or when your life goes to shit AGAIN do not come to me, do not ask me for any fucking favor at all. because thats what you do, when you need something thats when you come to me. youve made me cry twice, and im not every crying over your dumbass again, your not worth it. have a good life dood, i hope you know what your doing choosing david over me.

on my own basically.

For some reason, i thought everyone would be as bummed as me about me moving down here. all the i miss you's and come back now's just dont seem to have any heart in them anymore, it feels like people are saying that just because they know they should, its the good thing to do, to help me out and make me feel like i am somewhat loved. I mean but who is really bummed? I cant think of one person who would be devastated like me. Chelsea i know loves me with all her heart, but shes happy, she has her boyfriend matt and her beauty school starting, seans got melody and all his friends, virgils got a whole new entire batch of friends, arianna has david, i mean basically everyones happy, but me. But ive decided to forgive arianna, if you know me, you know i can not hold a grudge worth shit. & im trying to talk to conrad again, i just sent a message to him, just basically saying wassup? i just miss him as a friend, in no way am i trying anything sneaky, i mean come on how could i im in new mexico. when i used to talk to him, id try and make him feel guilty or flirt or something, anything. but this time its different, i just want the kid as a good friend, because we have similiar personalities, we'd be dope ass friends and i know that, i just wish he would just talk to me, i mean im not doing any harm.